I'd rather have no friends than risk having crazy people in my life.

If Jewel Quest was a person, I would punch them in the effing face.

I'm getting too old to NOT be famous.

It's a day for rhododendrons in my hair and bright colors on my eyes.

Sometimes, something will startle me, and I secretly hope it's a zombie.

Oregon has EVERYTHING- except a decent speed limit.

Red-skinned potato salad? Seriously, could you degrade my people anymore?

Leave me out of your tricks today. I've never been to jail, and I intent to keep it that way.